I seem to have left my pride at pride
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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