Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
