I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
