Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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