cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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