i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
