I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize