I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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