i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
