shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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