How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
