happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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