my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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