The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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