last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
