So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
