never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
