just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
