some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
