So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
