I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
