it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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