Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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