I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
