So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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