sarcasm needs its own font
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
