I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
