I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just gift wrapped bread.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
