Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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