I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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