Cold hands, warm shart.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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