After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
