I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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