is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
