I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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