They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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