We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
