turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
