Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
