I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
