you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
