D3 body, D1 cock
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
