office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
