JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
