whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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