So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
