i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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