Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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