Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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