Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
