I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
