Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
