Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
