I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
