Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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