you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have so many feelings about this burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
