So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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