lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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