She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
