A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
