Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
