so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
